The focus of the past nine pod casts has mainly been about creating this personal peace within ourselves. It is my current plan to address over the coming months what I personally believe to be the largest deterrent to one developing personal peace. And that is being involved in relationships with unhealthy people. Just as a chain is only as strong as its weakest link, a relationship is only as healthy as the sickest person in it.

When I was teaching addicts in the

In the future I plan to go into greater detail in what I consider to be the fundamentals of healthy relationships. Building trust through communication, developing intimacy, and identifying the various stages that healthy relationships go through – how to determine just how healthy your relationships are. I’ll provide you with techniques for having those difficult conversations, the goal being to articulate our inarguable feelings in such a way as to reduce the defensiveness of those you are having that difficult conversation with. I’ll give you a tool far more valuable than the “Golden Rule” in developing trust in healthy relationships – something I call the “Platinum Rule”. I’ll provide you with a method to reduce the stress that comes with miscommunication. All of this with the understanding that the cornerstone of healthy relationships is personal growth.

Because I value and appreciate your time, it is my desire that each one of these pod casts provide you with some information that you can use to positively impact your life, I’d like to end this pod cast by giving you something to think about, and an exercise to work on.

‘Opposites attract’ may work very well for magnets, but it doesn’t always work very well for people. Take a look at the relationships you have in your life. Who are your friends? Are they people who have nothing in common with you, or are they people you share lots of common interests with? Okay – here’s the exercise.

First, you’ll need a pencil and paper. Then what I’d like for you to do is to create a list of the traits that you look for in a friend. So for example, what you’ll find on my list – number one is a low-maintenance friend. I want somebody who can handle their own life without bringing too much drama into mine. I’m also looking for somebody who is optimistic about the future and is working to create a brighter future for themselves and everybody else. That’s just a couple of things. Your list can have as many different things on it as you’d like, but create a list that identifies the character traits that you are looking for in a friend. One of the reasons that this is one of my favorite exercises is that there is this great ‘aha!’ at the end of it. When I did this with my students, what they thought they were doing was creating a list of what they were looking for in a friend. But what they were actually doing was creating a blueprint for the person that they want to be.

Remember – ‘opposites attract’ works with magnets, not people. So if you’re looking for somebody who is low-maintenance, then you have to be low-maintenance to attract them. If you value honesty, then you have to be an honest person. If you are not an honest person, you can attract an honest person, but that relationship won’t last very long. If they are healthy and they value honesty they will soon see that you are a dishonest person, and they will distance themselves from you. Because healthy people have boundaries and they enforce them. If they are honest and they are not healthy people then what they will do is they will take on your dishonest character traits; because unhealthy people either don’t have boundaries or they have them, but they don’t enforce them. If you value physical health, where will you find physically healthy people? They’re out getting healthy – they’re outside doing things. They’re not sitting on a couch. So you have to get out and do those things where you will find physically healthy people.

So there you have it – a list of what you’re looking for in a person, and a blueprint for who you want to be. Now after looking at your list, if you deem yourself to be falling short in any of these areas, I’d like to recommend that you go back to the October pod cast, “You Can Change Without Growing, But You Can’t Grow Without Changing.” There you’ll find information on a process for change, some of the barriers to change. There you’ll find a downloadable document that you can use to create your own master plan for success regarding behavioral changes.

I look forward to any comments or questions you have on the subject of building healthy relationships. Next month look for a pod cast on how to build trust and reduce stress using good communication skills