OptimismIsASkill.com

You Can Change Without Growing, But… (pt. 2)

 

 You Can Change Without Growing, BUT...(pt. 2) [6:40m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (1)
 3Ts for Change: Download

Hi, I’m Jim.

I’m Dave.

Jim: We are the co-producers of the podcasts here at OptimismIsASkill.com. We’re having a really good time doing this, and we’re hoping that you find the information enlightening and enjoyable. For the past four podcasts, you’ve been hearing my voice exclusively, and I thought it would be a good idea for you to become somewhat acquainted with some of the other members of the team.

Dave: I’m the guy that does the engineering. There’s Anna, who’s providing the musical soundscapes, and Colleen who does the transcription and the marketing. And there’s Brent, who’s providing us with the webspace and the encouragement to continue this production.

Jim: In a moment you will hear Part Two of the podcast, “You Can Change Without Growing, But You Can’t Grow Without Changing.” In Part One we discussed some of the barriers to change; in Part Two we will discuss some of the tools and processes that you can use to make the change process more comfortable.

I found it very useful to have a map when trying to adopt changes. When I’m trying to go someplace or do something, if I know where I’m going and how to get there, I tend to get there much easier. I’m not one of those guys who will drive around lost. I will stop and ask for directions. At OptimismIsASkill.com there is a document that you can download that will assist you in getting to where you want to be, as far as behaviors and attitudes might be concerned.

At the top of the document is a line that says “Goal.” In that line you would write whatever it is that you are trying to accomplish. Let’s say that you want to become more physically active. Beneath that are three columns.

The first column is “Task.” What are the specific tasks that you need to do in order to become more physically active? So let’s say that you decide that you are going to go for a walk three days a week. And you’re going to play basketball two days a week. Those are the specific tasks that you need to do in order to become more physically active.

The middle column is “Time”. When are you going to do these things? Be specific – when are you going to take that walk? I’m going to walk Monday, Wednesday and Friday, and I’m going to play basketball Tuesday and Thursday evenings. If you don’t know when you’re going to do these things, chances are you won’t do it. Someday never comes.

The third column is “Team.” Whenever you’re trying to adopt a new attitude or a new behavior, it’s very beneficial to have support. Under the third column you will write down who you can rely on to ensure that you actually do the new behaviors. Who can you count on to call you up and ask, “Did you go play basketball Tuesday and Thursday? Did you go for a walk?” The reason that we need a team, the reason we need a support team for adopting new behaviors is each and every one of us has something inside of our subconscious mind. Ernie Larson calls it “The Guardian.” The Guardian’s job is to protect what is normal. Not what’s good for you, not what’s bad for you, just what’s normal. His job is to protect the comfort zone. So if your comfort zone includes coming home and sitting down in front of the TV after work, and it does not include getting out and going for a walk, your Guardian will tell you all kinds of different reasons, come up with all kinds of rationales why I don’t need to go for a walk today. And if you listen to that Guardian, you will end up not accomplishing your goal of becoming more physically active. That’s the value of a support team when adopting new behaviors or attitudes. There are lots of things working against any change that we try to adopt, but having someone encourage you during these times of transition can be the difference between success and failure.

The thing that I find incredibly helpful when focusing on change is keeping my eye on the ball. What is it that I’m trying to attain? There’s a reason that “Just Say No” doesn’t work. The Dalai Lama, in his book “The Art of Happiness,” talks about “Just Say No” doesn’t work because people don’t like to deny themselves anything. Rather, he suggests that you focus on what you’re trying to accomplish and that way you’re not denying yourself anything, you’re actually working towards something. It’s easier to accomplish these goals if you keep your eye on the ball. Diets are a really good example. If you continually remind yourself that you can’t eat that cheeseburger, it will be difficult for you to continue the diet. But, if you stay focused on the fact that you are going to live longer, and be healthier, and lose weight and look better, it will be a lot easier for you to turn down the cheeseburger.

Five years ago my wife and I decided we were going to move to Hawaii. It took me three years to stop seeing this move as a loss. I was focusing on losing my friends; I was focusing on losing my job that I was good at, that I was happy about doing – I was focusing on all of the loss and none of the gain. If I had had to make that move during those first three years, I would not have made it. Then that third year I began to see the benefits of moving to Hawaii. I began to see that my life could slow down. I could devote more time to pursuits that I had been too busy to pursue before. When that shift in awareness happened, all of a sudden I couldn’t get to Hawaii fast enough. Focusing on what you want, rather than on what you are giving up in order to attain what you want only makes the attainment of the goal that much easier.

The tools and techniques that we’ve been discussing and will discuss in the future are not mutually exclusive. You can apply these tools and techniques to any change in your life that you wish to make. I’d like to leave you with a quote from one of my personal heroes, Gandhi, who said, “We must become the change we wish to see in the world.” If you want peace, happiness, prosperity and health, we must do it for ourselves first. And then, like ripples in a pond, as our peace grows, the peace in the world will grow as well.

I’d like to congratulate all of you who have stuck with us through the first podcasts. I realize from personal experience how difficult personal development can be. It’s not always easy work, but it’s always good work. Join us again for our next podcast where we will take real live world situations and do as the Buddhist say – Find Jewels in the Rubbish.